Survival of the Fresher

Surviving through.... ________________________________________________________________

She approaches me with a smile on her face. “Are you ready” she says jumping on the spot as if jogging. She was questioning if I was ready to go jogging as arranged in order for us to build a “some what” relationship. We walk out of the door together and she says “we are going to enjoy this, its going to be so much of fun” sounding joyful and enthusiastic. On first impressions of her one would say that she is favourable and blissful, however if they were given the chance to mentally experience what I experienced while interviewing her one would realise that her portrayal of herself is the only way to deal with such issues.

Mary Daniels is her biological name. Born into a family who have a history of abuse, Mary has been exposed to a lot of violence. “when I was 17, my rights as a women were violated”. “My dad said I deserved it” she says fiddling with her cell phone. As a result of her dad’s statement Mary began to believe that this was true considering that this statement came from someone who is a support structure in her life. She was thus unable to find the courage to take action because she was afraid that she would have no support. She began to feel worthless and insecure. Which are the two issues that still torment her today. “I am insecure about my intellectual abilities as my dad continually called me stupid” she said. However at matric level she received two distinctions for maths and biology and at mid year exam at university she received two “2nds” which she is very proud off. She is still an affect individual though. Fortunately one who is able to remain grounded even though she has been through difficult times.

Our conversation soon shifted to the topic of abuse after a few minutes of silence and her slight smile eventually dissolved. “there’s one incident I remember…” she says holding her mouth fearfully. While returning home from a family function one night her mother who was under the influence of alcohol lost control of the family car she was driving. Fortunately this only caused a minor scare however Mary, her dad and her two other siblings decided to get out of the car and walk home. When they arrived home Mary’s dad became aggravated (she cannot remember what the cause of this was). He began to break the windows of the house and when he eventually entered the house slammed the door and raced to Mary’s mother and beat her. He punched her in the face several times causing her a fracture. He beat until she was on the floor and the stamped on her face. “My brothers and I watched all of this happen”, “my youngest brother cried and ran into my arms”, “all I could think about was my dad killing my mum and I had to stop it” she said. “that night my mum together with my brothers and myself slept in one room because we were afraid of my dad. He walked pass our room door several time to ensure that we did not call the police or whatever” “ I was 13 when this happened”. When her mum visited the doctor the next day. Her dad told the doctor that the injury was caused as a result of a ladder falling on her.

At times she feels pressured to take care of her family and make her mum happy, especially in terms of academics. Her fees are paid through a student loan because of her family’s financial status. He feels stressed at time because in order to qualify for a student loan next year she needs to pass 3 subjects. “This gets stressful at times but I’m trying my best”. “My mum has always emphasised that education is the most important in order to lead a life”.

Mary feels that her biggest battle at the moment is finding herself after everything that has happened in her life. “I want to gain back my women power” she says confidently.
She is currently attending counselling sessions and has confronted her many underlying issues. University has given her the ability to do this as she is away from home thus away from the issue that cause an effect on her personal and academic life. “I am standing up for myself” she says proudly with a smile.

posted by Homo-Sapien at 9:04 PM >2 comments

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